Saturday, 9 February 2008

Saturday 9 February 2008

Sorry about the chopping and changing with the URL. Hopefully this one should be the final destination...

A quick warning; today's post is probably going to be slightly philosophical and possibly a bit sobering, though with a bit of luck it will end up having some kind of poignancy. We'll see how it goes.

I received another kind message from John the Gambler yesterday, advising me to 'do what you like. Do what you are good at, and your life will fall into place.' This seems to be a common recommendation to people who are unsure what to do in life, or unhappy with what they are currently doing. More often than not, the advice-giver is talking with the benefit of hindsight, which makes the advice even more valuable. So, I thought I'd dedicate today's entry to an investigation into how to apply this advice.

Step one, of course, is figuring out what I actually like, and what I'm good at. Well... obviously, I love gambling, sports and cards. They are my passions in life, without a shadow of a doubt. But am I good at them? I missed the window of opportunity to become a sportsman; no point worrying about that. Gambling - I've been gambling my whole life, and it's impossible for someone to be 'good' at it. Now trading is something completely different. I'm a raw novice trader as I've only been doing it for about nine months. I've definitely improved over this time, and have become very familiar with the golden concepts of success. Gradually, I'm acquanting myself with the finer points of it. However, this cannot be done overnight. You can trade for a whole lifetime and still not know 'everything'. To be an accomplished trader takes years, and a hell of a lot of studying, research and practice. So am I good at it? No. But I greatly enjoy it. Poker... I started playing in the sixth form, and was a losing player probably until the beginning of my final year at university. I know for a fact that I am improving all the time. I have no problems adhering to solid bankroll management principles. However, I have mighty trouble in controlling anger and tilt, and even bigger problems in stopping playing when I know that I'm not playing properly. This can only be solved over time and is something only I can help myself with. Am I good at poker? I'm ok, some of the time.

So, we've figured out what I like. And it turns out that I'm not really 'good' at any of it. However, the prospect of being a professional trader / cardplayer greatly appeals to me, and always has done. It always used to be some kind of ultimate fantasy, one that I knew I'd love to do but always thought would be impossible. Over the last few years however, I've been exposed in various arenas to real professionals. People who actually do it. It is possible after all. Sure, they don't go round driving in flash cars or with Page 3 girls hanging off their arms. They are shrewd, calculating individuals who have an edge. But I know it can be done.

'James, get real. It's time you began to think properly about life...'

I can't begin to estimate how many times I've been told that, or similar. And I can fully appreciate where those who say it are coming from. The old stigma about gambling and all that. But gambling is what I love, end of.

So the next step, is actually doing it. Sticking my fingers up to the world, saying that I don't care what everyone else thinks, this is what I'm going to do. The unfortunate thing is, gambling is a hobby like no other. If you're not good at it, you simply won't last. I could at least have a go at it. But my bankroll is negligible...

So get a job for the time being, then quit when you have a bankroll.

Well, that's a good idea.

Alas, I've been unable to find work for 8 months now. And there is the bane of my existence!

So I guess if there is a moral to this post, it concerns the inherent struggle that lies in taking the thing you love, and making it 'your life'. In fifty years I will probably look back and rue not taking the chance. Though at the moment, taking the chance seems a hugely unwise thing to do, and just 'being sensible' seems the only practical road to go down. I guess that's life eh?

Thanks for reading.

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